Oh Brother...

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling pretty despondent and needed a comforting shoulder. So I wrote to a dear friend, (one whom I've never physically met but who I admire and trust implicitly) and asked her what I should do. Her husband read the email and said "she's a great writer, she should turn this into a post". So guess what, I've decided to (finally) take their advice and share with you what I wrote to them. It's a little raw for me to expose so much, but I think if I send this out to the universe something is bound to stir...
So on the eve of the end of 2012, I'm sharing perhaps for the last time..

"It's 7am, I've been awake for 2 hours but struggling to get out of bed. I'm tired, jaded in fact and I'm looking at the clothes on the floor that make me reeeeeeel with domestic horror.

Its the weekend and its sunny so I need to rise and shine instead of wallowing in self pity. But first, a few words on why...

Since moving down to Hobart I've found myself looking for work that will facilitate my role as mum, creative hopeful and easily bored type. My husband's work keeps him away from home alot and so if I was to find employment it needed to be really flexible. With the economy down here nothing like on mainland Australia I quickly discovered the need to become a little entrepreneurial if I was to succeed.

And so Brothers Trimm was born and along came an incredible introduction to the world of blogging and creative thinkers. If it wasn't for BT I wouldnt have 'met' some TRULY inspiring women OR had the opportunity to contribute to the various blogs and magazines I've been invited to write for. Amazing stuff.

I made the decision to keep the blog non commercial and with that decision I landed my job at a terrific local indie bookshop from the blog, a chance to write for the great Australian kids blog Kidstylefile, my role at MONA's summer market from my blog, my amazing Pinterest following from my blog....

But now, I'm reconsidering 2013 and looking at how I can get the most out of my situation. My plate is full but for all the wrong reasons.

Last year I began a small homewares business called Dish Pig. It focusses on celebrating the places we love to live. It is starting to really kick off now and I'm enjoying the chance to utilise my creative grown up skills once again. I've also started to help 40-something business women with social media. Along with my role as children's curator at the MoMa market, things are really busy, lots of little jobs that leave me a jack of all trades but king of none.

Our eldest will be full time at school come February, with his brother still three days at pre kinder. What's important is the need to enjoy some QT with him for the first time and be mindful of Jack's energy levels as he makes the jump to five days at school.

Currently I have the boys in after school care the days I work, which means we don't get home til 5.45pm. Rushing, squabbling, ughhhh what to cook for dinner. Tired kids, tired mum = volcano. I just can't do that next year again...

I work almost every night as I can't work on my projects during the day. Daddy works most weekends so I rarely get to steal some time then either. It's just all getting too much. 

I portray this facade of a wonderful mum on the blog when really its kind of pretend. I dont have time to do the stuff I dream about, so many ideas.... NO TIME. SO something's got to give....

I guess the crux of it is that I can't do stuff for free anymore. I can't do lots of little projects because it's so hard to keep track of it all! We're trying to find a house to buy (don't get me started on that test of endurance) and so I need to be earning a proper income to support and be comfortable. Ya hearing me?!!

My goal, my resolution, my hope is that I can improve my organisational skills, declutter my life and start to pull away from the stuff that just takes up my time with no financial benefit. I need to be brave with my choices of what's right for me and the kids right now. And yes, I've put ME first in that sentence.

On the list of priorities and what needs to go, what do you think is on top? I'm tearing up now thinking of The Brothers Trimm. Does this mean this bird needs to flee its nest? I feel like a bad mother. This is a blog named after my boys...am I leaving it alone to fend for itself with no further nurture and love?

Do I HAVE to call it quits...is there another way to feed my habit?!

Look my following isn't huge and there are WAYYYYY better boys blogs out there doing a tremendous job. When I started there were so few, perhaps I'll leave it to those who can do better...

I had dreams of creating a book, dreams of collaborating more. 

Do I give it all up? Do I lose my slot, my rating, my network, my 'position' in blog land? Does it matter. Does anyone read blogs anymore anyway? Oh brother...